dark sense of humor...

Everyone mourns differently...  more so when mourning a Suicide.  Some people shame the person, some doom them to hell, others are thankful the person is at peace, and twisted folk like me just hope it was Autoasphyxia so the person has a shot at heaven if it exists... or at the very least, went out "pleased".

Injeni

January 3rd 2014, I posted this on my Facebook:

"working on my writing and realized the English language has a flaw. A flaw I vow to fix before my daughter is old enough to date... my goal is lofty I know, but I will add at least one word to the English language. It will be as versatile as "beautiful", but will be for intellect not inner/outer beauty. This will not be the last time I touch this subject..."

Three days later I would come up with the word, its currently the working title of my first planned Fantasy novel.

Injeni...   in - jee - nee...    the rime and reason I choose these syllables and this spelling are silly, simple, and will prob be my little secret for a long time. lets just say, the ogre in me picked them out.

Since then I've used the word while online gaming, on my twitter feeds, and lovingly to my wife and daughter.  the reason I'm doing it at all.  the two women closest to me are my inspiration in this. both of them are brilliant, clever, and witty.  when it comes down to it I'm a hopeless romantic, and have always been fond of using pet names. With Karen though, to compliment her greatest asset, I found that the English language was lacking in words I could use as both a pet name, and a descriptor for her Wit, intellect, etc...  and as a feminist father, I was appalled at the idea that my daughter would live in a world where her beauty may supersede her brains due to a lack of appropriate words.

 so here I am...  trying to forge a new word.  if swag and yolo have been given the light of day.  there is no reason that an injeni word like injeni, cant.

 from my wifes Injeni point of view! http://www.walkingtheborderline.com/2014/01/in-a-world/

its first publishing.  http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Injeni&defid=7529815

 

 

a-Mused

it is no coincidence that I do my best writing when Karen is around. she is my Muse after all.

what, however a-Mused me was the fact that I could have such a hard time getting a specific(and very special IMHO) part to come out right. to the point that I deleted my work on that paragraph 14 times, but after she laid down behind me to read. I was able to not only get it out, but to turn the paragraph into a page.

now I promise I will try to stop posting about how my wife makes me Gush, and get back on task, whining about how my life is horrible, as soon as its Horrible again.

yep, she is a cure all...

Karen called me around 2:30...   asked what she needed to ask, said what she needed to say...   she could tell something was wrong with me, when she asked if I was ok, I Lost control of my face.  tears started streaming and the words "no", followed by "I don't know". Ran from my mouth, like they had been waiting for that exact moment to escape.  she asked me if I wanted her to come over and I fought with myself to say yes. knowing she had homework to do.  so she brought her homework with her.  moments after she showed up at the apartment, I felt better.  just her presence. her love,  made me feel better.

The line "You complete me." is so cheesy, yet so perfect.  all week I've felt like a black hole had formed inside me and was gaining mass/energy.  When Karen showed up, she broke the laws of Astrophysics and closed said black hole.  Filling it with her love, and thus making me whole again.

she does complete me.


TL;DR - I think Karen is Swell.

No Energy

I'm Listless...

I don't want to leave my bed.

I don't want to play video games.

I don't want to Wrestle with the kids(but I still do).

I don't want to write.

I don't want to be posting this blog post.

It is almost like the only time I want to be doing anything is when Karen is around.  Is it because I'm trying to impress her, or IMHO more likely she is the cure to my current state of depression.  Either way, I need my Karen more then she needs me right now.  I understand that, but it still stings.

ugh.

Fruit Punch Kickstart wasn't enough... fighting the urge to crawl back in bed. LOSING the will to fight...

New Years Reztatution: Yeah... I'm doing one of these this year.

1. 30 minutes of writing every night, even if its 30 minutes of writing dialogue with myself about not having anything to write about. 

2. Update my blog weekly... this is writing above and beyond #1.

3. Go on 2 fancy first dates a month with Karen

 4. 350lbs

5. family mini vacation

6. pursuing my love of Astrology/Astrophysics in some way...

7. To treat Karen with the same Passion I did during the first week of us dating(both times).

Pigeons

I have anxiety issues... nay nay... Subscriptions. the best metaphor I've ever used when people catch me "Day Dreaming", "off in my own little world", or "Staring into space"... has always been; "I am trying to catch a Pigeon, but there are too many in the way." or some variation of. I'm filled with thoughts... pure chaos... I am looking at a dozen choices, with dozens of possible outcomes each... and I'm only trying to catch one thought, about one choice... and chances are that single choice is so trivial. on a good day there are a few Dozen Pigeons causing me hell... if I "Meditate" I can get them down to under a dozen or so. Today is not a good day for Anxiety. there are thousands of Pigeons... and they are angry.