Jokes

I tend to tell jokes when I don't know how I'm supposed to react.

yesterday I upset Karen because I Told a joke.  I was unable to handle the way I was really feeling.

I was Pissed off. not directly at her, but pissed off non the less.  I knew I should Appreciate the Pizza, and for the kids sake I did.  what had me pissed off was the shit eating grin on the pizza man's face that told me he knew I was out of the way.  I know that he has no chance(I'd hope) with my soon to be ex-wife but the look on his face when he delivered her gift to us Enraged me.

since she and I had joked about her killing me in the past...  I didn't think it would be in poor taste.  that is the problem.  I didn't think. I didn't know how to simply say, thank you.

I started a joke, that had the whole world angry...

Who was I going to be?

who was I going to be?

I knew that much.

I was going to be a Student, a Writer, a Reader...

I was going to be a Poet, a Dreamer, a Lover...

I Was going to be a Partner, a Friend, a Collaborator...

now I don't know who I am going to be beyond the father of three Successful kids...   maybe that is all I'm destined to be.

chapter 1

Ogres have always been a misunderstood race of beings. Most think of them as stomachs with a temper, and though this may be true. There is more to them then that.  Take our hero for example...   being a well fed Ogre of means.  he has time to cultivate something most ogres cant.  Feelings.   On this particular day, the feeling he is trying to grasp and understand was, contentment. he was feeling truly satisfied with his surroundings.

Zombie Skies

I have a book idea...   omg this story will rock hardcore.


Steampunk, Zombies, and a Dashing Captain

back handed....

I Carry it well.  I am High Functioning.  I am beating the odds. you smell good for a big guy. you would be a Handsome man if...

These are the government cheese of compliments.

Yes I get it, I'm Damaged goods, but if you cant figure out a compliment that is JUST a Compliment then please don't bother.

to once again quote my Grand mother; If you cant say anything nice, just STFU.

Socially Awkward

People say they enjoy my company...

People sometimes laugh at my jokes...

People seem to ignore when I say things that are out of line or awkward...

so I wonder, as I've wondered for well over a decade now.

is my awkwardness random, or am I the retarded kid that is "on" the team but only gets to hit the field when the team is so far ahead that me running around like a retard wont hurt the game.

Am I being Humored? because that's how it seems most days.

oh no...

All the Bills are paid, all the kids are fed dressed and happy, Im not Feeling Pain, Ive got a Car that runs parked outside my back door, Ive got a wife that loves me, and girlfriends she doesn't know about(Kidding), I'm not in Pain, I'm not Dizzy, I'm not Exhausted for no Reason, and I'm losing weight...

I'm Catching myself doing little trivial things I wouldn't have done weeks ago... like deviating from the norm when ordering food(I go to Chipotla, my order is the same EVERYTIME). Yesterday at Frisch's:"Honey, why did I order Onion rings? I NEVER order onion rings...". may seem trivial but its a big deal to me. I'm still having Panic attacks and Day Terrors but the rest of me seems to be falling into place.

and the big one(IMHO). my Friend April asked me how I was. I always answer with something Cynical like "I'm Alive, Meh, you don't wanna know, etc..." this last time my answer was "Awesome" I didn't notice the change but she sure did.... 10 years of responding in a depressed manner and this last time it was "Awesome"... trivial but Big.

Kids, I think I may be Happy.