I am a Lier... you've been warned

anyone who says they aren't is, well... its the circle of lie.

some very good people only lie out of compassion.

How are you feeling? "I'm fine..."

but white lies are lies nonetheless.

I was a Lier because it was how I was raised.

Then I was a Lier to reinvent myself the lazy way.

now at the age of 32.5 I'm not sure what is and isn't a lie.

I've always told people if they take anything I say seriously its their own fault. Now in context they could have assumed I was referring to my sense of humor. but it was in fact a general statement.

I'm making this post because after a year or so of milling it over I have finally decided to make this lil blog a lil more public. People are about to learn things about me they didn't want to know.

Pain Episode 2

Ive been in pain most of my life...

I'd like to think that I'm used to it, or stronger then it but I'm not.

It wins every day I dont take a shower. Everyday I sleep on the Couch because the trip up/down the stairs is unbearable. Every day I don't get down on the floor and wrestle with my sons, Cat, wife, etc...

No Medicine has ever worked. Losing weight in the past made it worse. Being apathetic and lazy is the only thing that has ever made it seem Bearable.

Every Dr Ive ever gone too has never been able to find anything wrong with me that wasn't 'caused' by my weight. why bother going to someone who's medical opinion I can give myself by looking into a mirror!?

pain

Pain trumps Manic...

no manic, no release.

then depressives hits... it hits hard.

I got a lot of advice...

"the only safe option is for me to just suffer..."

"good, I'm glad they talked some sense into you."

no matter what...

I will be wrong.

that is a start I guess.

I finally got to say good bye.

on the 22nd of July I Finally got the nerve to go and say good bye to My grandma... it felt like the whole world was lifted from my shoulders...

I went in into a frenzy of activity, change of diet, shows of affection, etc...

it took 4 days for me to realize that wasnt the only world on my shoulders, and I have no control over the other... in any way, shape, or form.

I believe...

I believe there is something greater then me out there. I believe it Deserves my Thanks. I believe that it transcends mans weak theories and Philosophies. I believe that giving it a name, Day of the week, birthday, etc... is pretentious and vain. I Believe... and That is all that matters!