Fighting...

Someone asked me today why I wasn't fighting to win her back...


I am fighting...  to get myself back.  only then would I be a worthy prize for another person.

my prayer for you...

I pray that you someday find someone who can handle you when your flame burns the brightest, without looking away...

...and I pray that person can endure the cold when your spirit is at its darkest.

Most of all, I pray that once you find this person. You notice, and embrace their strength as your own, while they still have strength left to share.

Amen

Even she has more Tact then this...

No, I'm not done being upset yet... I have a Lot of Love, Anger, Hate, Loneliness, Confusion, Abandonment, and so much more; to burn through.

"but it's been like 5 days..." No, it was more like 4100 days. I've only been the center of an emotional supernova for 5!

Jokes

I tend to tell jokes when I don't know how I'm supposed to react.

yesterday I upset Karen because I Told a joke.  I was unable to handle the way I was really feeling.

I was Pissed off. not directly at her, but pissed off non the less.  I knew I should Appreciate the Pizza, and for the kids sake I did.  what had me pissed off was the shit eating grin on the pizza man's face that told me he knew I was out of the way.  I know that he has no chance(I'd hope) with my soon to be ex-wife but the look on his face when he delivered her gift to us Enraged me.

since she and I had joked about her killing me in the past...  I didn't think it would be in poor taste.  that is the problem.  I didn't think. I didn't know how to simply say, thank you.

I started a joke, that had the whole world angry...

Who was I going to be?

who was I going to be?

I knew that much.

I was going to be a Student, a Writer, a Reader...

I was going to be a Poet, a Dreamer, a Lover...

I Was going to be a Partner, a Friend, a Collaborator...

now I don't know who I am going to be beyond the father of three Successful kids...   maybe that is all I'm destined to be.