Vivid memory only not

I remember vividly from the age of 4 to the age of 12... I don't recall any lies told about that block of time.

in a matter of speaking my Memory committed Suicide some time during Middle school.

I am still waking up from that Haze. pardon the pun

Sick pt2

Silver lining to being sick... I sleep like a baby and dream like a horny acid monkey

Just sayin... Colds suck.

I am pro weed...

Every time the Anti- Marijuana prohibition people make baby steps in the right direction I get excited.

November could be the biggest stride they have made in decades!

As far as medical Marijuana goes I have three diagnosis that qualify me...

the only reason I Don't smoke now is because of my kids. losing them isn't worth it.

when stoned I think clearer, I'm not as Panicked, and I'm mostly pain free.

Ironically most of the side effects of marijuana are the polar opposite of what it does for me, save for the pain relief.

so Prop 19, I wish you luck... its a stride in the right direction.

My name is William Marrs and I approve of this message!
http://www.facebook.com/taxcannabis

I am a Lier... you've been warned

anyone who says they aren't is, well... its the circle of lie.

some very good people only lie out of compassion.

How are you feeling? "I'm fine..."

but white lies are lies nonetheless.

I was a Lier because it was how I was raised.

Then I was a Lier to reinvent myself the lazy way.

now at the age of 32.5 I'm not sure what is and isn't a lie.

I've always told people if they take anything I say seriously its their own fault. Now in context they could have assumed I was referring to my sense of humor. but it was in fact a general statement.

I'm making this post because after a year or so of milling it over I have finally decided to make this lil blog a lil more public. People are about to learn things about me they didn't want to know.

Pain Episode 2

Ive been in pain most of my life...

I'd like to think that I'm used to it, or stronger then it but I'm not.

It wins every day I dont take a shower. Everyday I sleep on the Couch because the trip up/down the stairs is unbearable. Every day I don't get down on the floor and wrestle with my sons, Cat, wife, etc...

No Medicine has ever worked. Losing weight in the past made it worse. Being apathetic and lazy is the only thing that has ever made it seem Bearable.

Every Dr Ive ever gone too has never been able to find anything wrong with me that wasn't 'caused' by my weight. why bother going to someone who's medical opinion I can give myself by looking into a mirror!?

pain

Pain trumps Manic...

no manic, no release.

then depressives hits... it hits hard.

I got a lot of advice...

"the only safe option is for me to just suffer..."

"good, I'm glad they talked some sense into you."

no matter what...

I will be wrong.

that is a start I guess.

I finally got to say good bye.

on the 22nd of July I Finally got the nerve to go and say good bye to My grandma... it felt like the whole world was lifted from my shoulders...

I went in into a frenzy of activity, change of diet, shows of affection, etc...

it took 4 days for me to realize that wasnt the only world on my shoulders, and I have no control over the other... in any way, shape, or form.

I believe...

I believe there is something greater then me out there. I believe it Deserves my Thanks. I believe that it transcends mans weak theories and Philosophies. I believe that giving it a name, Day of the week, birthday, etc... is pretentious and vain. I Believe... and That is all that matters!

Assuming...

...That I can read people like I think I can and I'm not just some Bullshit artist that knows how to make vague statements that can be true based on prospective and not Fact.

is this why I am Very good at saying the exact thing I need to say to get a job or land a girl well above my station? Past tense of course?

most the questions I ask on here are rhetorical but feel free to throw out opinions regardless...

just a thought...

Am I good at Reading Lies/Deceit because of trying to figure out my mom, from the 9 years of trying to figure out myself, Looking for the lies of the world as a whole, or or all of the above?!

for that matter am I just telling these new lies to myself and you now out of desperation to figure out...

WHO AM I?!

Human Lie Detector.

I started watching a new show 'Lie to me' and have found enlightenment.

Lie to Me (styled as Lie to me*) is an American television series that premiered on the Fox network on January 21, 2009. In the show, Dr. Cal Lightman (Tim Roth) and his colleagues in The Lightman Group accept assignments from third parties (commonly local and federal law enforcement), and assist in investigations, reaching the truth through applied psychology: interpreting microexpressions, through the Facial Action Coding System, and body language.

after watching 2-3 Episodes they had explained half a dozen 'tells' that I had always picked up on but 1/3rd of the time figured was just me being Paranoid.

It was like Watching Penn and Teller Explain magic tricks to a magician who had no clue how he pulled the Rabbit out of the Hat.

7 episodes deep I was looking for any information I could find on the Subject of Micro expressions, and Truth Wizards...

The Wizards Project (formerly called the Diogenes Project) was a research project conducted by Paul Ekman and Maureen O'Sullivan that studied the ability of people to detect lies told by others. The project was originally named after the Greek philosopher who would look into people's faces using a lamp, claiming to be looking for an honest man.

A "Truth Wizard" is a person identified in the Wizards Project, who can identify deception with exceptional accuracy of at least 80% or higher, whereas the average person is only as good as a coin toss. No Truth Wizard, however, is 100% accurate. The term "wizard" refers to "a person of amazing skill or accomplishment".

In my search for info about this I found that eye speed is very important. on an unrelated sight I found an 'eye test' of sorts. it is assumed that the human eye can only register info at 20fps, but notices deviance at 30-60fps. the test I took was on registering the deviance and most people can only register it at 15-20 fps, I got 37fps which is in the top 1% of everyone that had taken the test. with the equation that posted that means I would notice but not register a deviance at over 70FPS, which also on a side note explains why a monitor with a refresh rate of lower then 60hz gives me a headache.

so Physically I am equipped to see micro expressions but am I capable of understanding them.

and what does this mean for past, self explored, and unnamed Psychosis?

*Boom*

with an influx of new thoughts... this place is about to get busy. I hope.

10

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dreams

Oh what it is to dream a dream so sweet that to wake is a Tragedy. These are the Dreams I dream.

I Have Terrors in the Day, Vividly my mind goes astray. These are the terrors that terrorize me.

My mind wont slow down, and my eyes refuse to shut. Panic takes over. Panic takes hold. Panic Pushes me forward. Panic holds me back. The pain isn't real but the panic still cuts deep.

Nightmares come in all shapes and Sizes. some times I'm falling, some times the end is near, but I'm only startled by the dreams I dream...

when I wake it is a tragedy.

Eclipse.

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy beg, borrow or steal
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say
All that you eat
Everyone you meet
All that you slight
Everyone you fight
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon.



Karen flooded my mind with info... a life decision needed to be made, not a HUGE one but life altering non the less. 1000 doves took flight and I couldn't focus on any one of them. then the above played on the radio and its like the birds started to fly in unison... the picture came into focus. as the song ended I just had to figure out how to put my thoughts into words.

if it wasn't for that simple fucking song coming on the radio I would have prob caved and done things the way she had planned. I think that would have lead to a disaster or three... only time will tell if the compromises I asked for will bare the fruits we both hope for...

5 kinds of friends...

there are five kinds of friends or so I have found...

a Friend isn't someone you follow, and they aren't someone you Lead. A Friend is someone you walk beside.

But in most cases, 4 out of 5... it takes work on your part.

Ive had very few friends that I just walked beside without effort. April, Willy, and Fritz...

Mostly if had friends I hafta tip toe next to, like walking on Eggshells. Karen, Jesse, Branden, and Erin

Some friends you hafta run with just to keep up... I haven't had many of these friends, but Ive been that friend for a few people.

Some Friends you hafta Stomp as you walk just to be noticed. Rob, Jon, etc...

and some Friends you hafta slow your own pace to accommodate them. I wont name names on this one.


this is all in all why I don't have a lot of friends. I have Bad Ankles.