Im sorry Grandma

with so much going on right now I just cant handle the fight within myself to come see you right now.

I hafta pick and choose my fights very carefully these days.

I love you very much and miss you even more.

Distracted.

Im sorry im not posting much these days...

I go through times when I could write more then thoughts I have to save.

this is one of those times but its painful and Im doing my best to keep 'now' out of this.

Motivation...

...I has none.

Getting healthy in itself would be good for me(obviously).

but that doesn't motivate me to do so.

A high quility sex life would be available if I got healthy.

but that doesn't motivate me to do so.

my comfort of living in general would be much better.

but that doesn't motivate me to do so.

house hold choirs would be easier.

but that doesn't motivate me to do so.

I fear that if somthing happend to me, and I passed. My wife and/or Children wouldnt be far behind.

but that doesn't motivate me to do so.

what else is there?

Earthquacks and aftershocks

I got a Migraine on Sat, early Sunday that was one of the big ones... I knew I was getting it on Friday night.

it hit full force at 3am, I couldn't fall asleep until 6:30 AM when I was run out of the living room by the sun coming up.

I woke up at 12:30pm throwing up, and other then the jarring effect of losing everything in your digestive track I felt much better.

since then I've had 3-4 tiny migraines... compared to the big one they feel like annoying stress headaches but I know they aren't.

at this moment I feel like if been slipt eX but without the euphoria...