rejected, neglected, and abused...

yep...

Valentines... Bah Humbug.

I want to preface this with saying I love my wife, and that my anger is not in anyway shape or form Directed at her...

I married a woman I love to the moon and beyond...

When I seen her for the first time over a decade ago it was instantaneous.

This is where the great cosmic irony comes in...   I am a Hopeless romantic.  I love spontaneity.  I love pampering.  I love spoiling.   I love Foreplay in all its forms...    she...  She is a simple creature with simple needs.   and the rest of that is pointless fluff.  

My wife is "Asexual Grey-A" as she puts it...   and in many ways she is such a dude...   Feed her, and put out when she chooses...   and you have a happy Karen.

What Pisses me off is that some men choose one day a Year to PRETEND to be romantic, yet I yern to be Romantic and have no outlet...

People who Spend all year just coasting by...   only buying flowers if they have fucked up, or its Valentines day...    Bull Shit.   

Buy Flowers for no Reason...   

your girl likes Pin-ball? buy 11 roses and add a Roll of Quarters to the Box w/ the address to a quint doughnut shop that happens to have a couple pinball machines.   

Your girl is a Cuddler(First off, fuck you you lucky bastard...)?  Buy her a Teddy Bear, and a cute boys sweater for the Teddy bear, but before you put the sweater on the teddy bear, sleep with it under your pillow for one night, then give it a spritz of your cologne...

Effort year around...  it wont fucking kill you.

ARGH!!!

 

dark sense of humor...

Everyone mourns differently...  more so when mourning a Suicide.  Some people shame the person, some doom them to hell, others are thankful the person is at peace, and twisted folk like me just hope it was Autoasphyxia so the person has a shot at heaven if it exists... or at the very least, went out "pleased".

Injeni

January 3rd 2014, I posted this on my Facebook:

"working on my writing and realized the English language has a flaw. A flaw I vow to fix before my daughter is old enough to date... my goal is lofty I know, but I will add at least one word to the English language. It will be as versatile as "beautiful", but will be for intellect not inner/outer beauty. This will not be the last time I touch this subject..."

Three days later I would come up with the word, its currently the working title of my first planned Fantasy novel.

Injeni...   in - jee - nee...    the rime and reason I choose these syllables and this spelling are silly, simple, and will prob be my little secret for a long time. lets just say, the ogre in me picked them out.

Since then I've used the word while online gaming, on my twitter feeds, and lovingly to my wife and daughter.  the reason I'm doing it at all.  the two women closest to me are my inspiration in this. both of them are brilliant, clever, and witty.  when it comes down to it I'm a hopeless romantic, and have always been fond of using pet names. With Karen though, to compliment her greatest asset, I found that the English language was lacking in words I could use as both a pet name, and a descriptor for her Wit, intellect, etc...  and as a feminist father, I was appalled at the idea that my daughter would live in a world where her beauty may supersede her brains due to a lack of appropriate words.

 so here I am...  trying to forge a new word.  if swag and yolo have been given the light of day.  there is no reason that an injeni word like injeni, cant.

 from my wifes Injeni point of view! http://www.walkingtheborderline.com/2014/01/in-a-world/

its first publishing.  http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Injeni&defid=7529815

 

 

a-Mused

it is no coincidence that I do my best writing when Karen is around. she is my Muse after all.

what, however a-Mused me was the fact that I could have such a hard time getting a specific(and very special IMHO) part to come out right. to the point that I deleted my work on that paragraph 14 times, but after she laid down behind me to read. I was able to not only get it out, but to turn the paragraph into a page.

now I promise I will try to stop posting about how my wife makes me Gush, and get back on task, whining about how my life is horrible, as soon as its Horrible again.

yep, she is a cure all...

Karen called me around 2:30...   asked what she needed to ask, said what she needed to say...   she could tell something was wrong with me, when she asked if I was ok, I Lost control of my face.  tears started streaming and the words "no", followed by "I don't know". Ran from my mouth, like they had been waiting for that exact moment to escape.  she asked me if I wanted her to come over and I fought with myself to say yes. knowing she had homework to do.  so she brought her homework with her.  moments after she showed up at the apartment, I felt better.  just her presence. her love,  made me feel better.

The line "You complete me." is so cheesy, yet so perfect.  all week I've felt like a black hole had formed inside me and was gaining mass/energy.  When Karen showed up, she broke the laws of Astrophysics and closed said black hole.  Filling it with her love, and thus making me whole again.

she does complete me.


TL;DR - I think Karen is Swell.

No Energy

I'm Listless...

I don't want to leave my bed.

I don't want to play video games.

I don't want to Wrestle with the kids(but I still do).

I don't want to write.

I don't want to be posting this blog post.

It is almost like the only time I want to be doing anything is when Karen is around.  Is it because I'm trying to impress her, or IMHO more likely she is the cure to my current state of depression.  Either way, I need my Karen more then she needs me right now.  I understand that, but it still stings.

ugh.

Fruit Punch Kickstart wasn't enough... fighting the urge to crawl back in bed. LOSING the will to fight...